March Madness And Other Such Frivolities
by writerdaemon
Summary: Yo, first Homestuck fanfiction, Erisol smut, have fun. P.S. There is a bit of blood in this, so if you're squeamish, watch out.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hey guys, first Homestuck fanfiction, actually. Have fun with the Erisol smut._**

"Jeguth, ED, what'd you do to your huthktop?"

"I told you, I didn't do anythin'. It just started actin' up, ya knoww?"

Sollux shrugged and turned back to the broken had called him over because it wouldn't delete any files and refused to connect to any servers. Sollux figured it was just a virus.

"What wath it you wanted to delete, anywayth? I could jutht try to do it mythelf."

"It's none of your business. Just fix the fuckin' husktop, wwill ya?"

Out of curiosity, Sollux opened up a file to see what would happen, if the 'virus' would let him open but not delete them. This one was full of pictures of Eridan's lusus and and him around four sweeps old.

'_Cute._'

"Hey, you wwant anythin' to drink? I'vve got-" he started as he opened his fridge, only to be buried by 'fake' wands. Sollux snickered.

"Sol! Sol, help me! There's a wwand diggin' into my side and I can't get it!"

"No way, ED, it'll keep you out of my way for a while. I'll let you out onthe I'm done."

"But Soooolll!"

"Shut up, I can't conthentrate."

Sollux returned his attention to the husktop's screen and clicked on another file. The fishface and Fef as what, 3 sweeps old?

'_Damn, ED was cute. What happened?_' he joked to himself. Sollux noticed that this was turning into more him just looking through Eridan's files than actually fixing the computer, but he just shrugged and exited the file. He saw one file titled 'March'.

"Hey, ED, why'd you only title one folder?"

"Wwhat?"

"Thith file named 'March'. Why'th it the only one with a name?"

"I- Don't you DARE open that file, I swwear if you do, I'll rip you to pieces-"

"Got it! Opening the file." Sollux heard Eridan struggling under the pile, trying once again to get out of the wands. Sollux clicked the file.

"Eridan, what the fuck?!"

In the file, there were several pictures of said troll wearing questionable attire, including a mini skirt and long sleeve shirt obviously meant for females,pigtails, and worst(best?) of all, makeup. Sollux was getting the most awkward boner ever from this. Eridan had dragged himself out of the pile and plunked himself on top of it, obviously not happy with Sollux's awkward laughter.

"What'd you do? Get bored, or lothe a bet? Haha." No replies from the grumpy aquatic troll. Sollux got up, ignoring the tent he was pitching, and made his way over to Eridan.

"Alright, come on, dude, I need your help to fix the thtupid huthktop. Up. Let'th go-" he said as he tripped on a stray wand and fell on top of Eridan in a quite suggestive pose.

"I-I-I-"

"Uh… Sol…?" Both trolls quite embarrassed and blushing, Sollux didn't know what to do and Eridan didn't know what to do so they both just lay there for a second, Sollux on top, Eridan's arms above his head.

"Sol…? A-Are you gonna fuckin move….?"

"Well, I, uh….."

"..."

"..."

"Just fuckin kiss me already."

"Got it."

Sollux smashed his mouth onto Eridan's and sloppy makeout on a pile of wands ensued. Eridan gripped the land dweller's hair and pulled him away for a second.

"Just so's you knoww, I ain't red for ya in the slightest."

"Yeah, I'm feeling thomething a bit blacker than red mythelf."

"Agreed."

Eridan tugged Sollux's face back down to his and with a growl, he reconnected their faces with a forceful open-mouthed kiss. The yellow blooded troll broke off to scoop the purple blood onto his shoulder like a sack of earth potatoes.

"Where'th your bedroom, fishfathe?" Eridan sputtered.

"There is NO WWAY I am pailin' with the likes a' you, Captor! I demand you put me dowwn right fuckin' noww!" Sollux sighed.

"The we'll jutht do thith on the floor. I'm all hot and bothered now, and we'll be needing a pail, wherever we do thith," he stated with his face tinted yellow. Eridan looked down and noticed that Sollux was right- he WAS all hot and bothered. Eridan turned purple.

"Fine," he spat. "the bedroom's dowwn the corridor and the first door on your left. The floor is fuckin' gross."

Sollux, with a triumphant smirk, headed in the direction Eridan had directed him.

After being unceremoniously carted to his bedroom and dumped on the futon, Eridan's shirt was anything but ripped off and after having his fin licked, his shoulder was promptly bitten. Sollux licked the wound.

"Gah, f-fuck, Sol, wwhat are you- mfh!" and lips were reconnected, Eridan tasting his own blood. It kinda turned him on, this rough treatment. He slipped his hands under Sollux's shirt and raked his nails down his back, making the lowblood elicit a noise that sounded something like a moan or a whine. Yellow trickled down his back from one of the deeper scratches. Eridan smirked into the rough kiss before Sollux bit his lip, drawing more purple blood. The owner gasped, allowing entry to the inside of his mouth, which was promptly ravished. Sollux reached up and rubbed the fin on the right side of Eridan's face. He squirmed and moaned "Ngh~ d-d-don't t-touch those…." as he hooked his thumbs into Sollux's pants and tugged a bit. Sollux got the message and pulled his shirt off and allowed Eridan to yank his pants down, exposing his twin bulges.

Eridan turned bright purple. "N-No undergarments?" he squeaked. Sollux ignored him and began pulling off Eridan's pants, not really caring if they ripped a little.

He stopped for a second.

"Theriouthly? Theahortheth? On your boxerth?"

"Can you say it for me wwithout a lisp, lowwblood?"

"Touche."

The seahorses flew through the air and Eridan hissed as the cold air hit his erection. Sollux situated himself on Eridan's chest.

"Thuck or you don't get lube." Eridan pursed his lips and blushed even more from being presented with two bulges.

"I'm not sucking your bulges."

"Come on, don't you want it to go thmoother, ED?" Sollux joked as he propped Eridan's legs on his shoulders.

"Just fuck me dry, Captor," he snarled, not exactly happy with the direction this had taken. Sollux grinned and thrust into Eridan's nook without warning, causing the recipient to yelp.

"Loothen up, I've only got one in. You're cutting off my thirculation."

"Y-You try gettin' fucked, Captor, and then wwe'll talk," Eridan seethed through gritted teeth. Sollux shrugged and pulled out almost completely before slamming back in, this time with the other bulge, stretching Eridan's nook to the max and making him howl.

"J-Jegus fuck, Sol, y-you coulda' wwarned me!"

"Tho I take it you're loud during thex," he said as he took up a steady rhythm, rocking his pelvis in and out of Eridan's nook. Said troll nodded as he bit his lip, trying to be quieter. A trail of purple trickled down his lip. Sollux noticed that Eridan's bulge was reaching around, looking for something to grab onto and find release. Sollux ignored this. Eridan didn't. He let the appendage wrap around his hand and toyed with it while Sollux pounded into him. His face was bright purple and drenched in sweat, his glasses slipping down his nose.

"Ampora, y-you have no idea h-how much that'th turning me o-on."

"Glad you're e-enjoying the showw," he breathed, head tossed back. Sollux's mind was going pretty fuzzy, what with all the sensations from the great hate sex rocking through his body. He must've hit something because Eridan's moans turned to screams.

"I-I- right there!" Eridan released his genetic material after a couple more rough thrusts, but Sollux kept going. He couldn't last too much longer, though. Eridan's eyes glazed over from the pleasure and Sollux went over the edge, spilling yellow tinted genetic material everywhere.

He collapsed onto Eridan's chest and his bi-coloured glasses (which had fallen off quite a while ago) and tried to catch his breath.

"G-G-Get o-off me, lowwblood…" Eridan whined pathetically.

"Bucket?"

"By the desk." Sollux nodded and brought it over with his psionics (which he didn't know worked like that) so that they could salvage the genetic material that they could. They scraped the stuff into the bucket and stashed it behind the futon they were on.

Sol, I wwon't be able to wwalk around for a wweeeeeek…." Eridan whined.

"Oh hush, you puthy. Thtop whining."

"Next time, I'll fuck you and see if you can wwalk after."

"Next time, huh?"

"Yeah, after you finally fix my fuckin' husktop."

"Change of thubject- you should dreth like that for me."

"Like wwhat?"

"March."

"Oh cod…"

~The end~

_**So, was it passable? I won't beg for reviews, that's just silly, but I'll just be happy if you read the whole thing.**_

_**~Wwilloww**_


	2. More Craziness!

Well, it looks like I'm back for round two. Thanks to all of the lovely people who've reviewed, I didn't actually think anybody would like the story! XD Anyway. *clears throat* I'm mature. So, this chapter is basically for rianna, who reviewed and asked for another chapter. Well, here it is, everyone!

~:~:~:~

Eridan sat in front of his husktop, glaring at the screen as if it had done him wrong. Every time he went to use it, he remembered two things; first, it was broken(still), and second, that fucking lowblood had shagged him when he was supposed to be fixing it. Yes, he was still pissy about that. He had been right- he STILL couldn't walk comfortably, five days later. It was easier than the day after, where he sat in bed all day because his lower back ached so much, but still uncomfortable.

Eridan sat glowering about his kismesis when his 'phone'(if you want to call it that; it's really just a tiny computer) buzzed, scaring the living shit out of him. He jumped before pulling his 'phone' out of his pocket. Someone had sent him a message.

TA: hey fii2hface

TA: gue22 what

That lowblood had the audacity to talk to him, after what had happened?!

CA: wwhat the fuck do ya wwant captor

TA: ii 2ee your hu2ktop i2 2tiil malfunctiioniing. want me to come look at iit for real thii2 tiime?

CA: fuck no captor i'm fine wwith my phone

TA: whatever. iil be there 2oon.

CA: FINE.

Eridan huffed as he literally punched in each letter, even if he really did want his husktop fixed.

TA: oh and ii have a favor to a2k

CA: you wwant a fuckin favvor

TA: yeah ii wont fiix your hu2ktop unle22 you dre22 up for me

Eridan turned purple, whether from embarrassment or anger, he didn't know.

CA: wwhat the fuck no way

TA: hey iit2 cool wiith me iif you dont

TA: ii ju2t wont fiix your hu2ktop

Eridan weighed his options. On one hand, he had Sollux Captor seeing him in drag. Not too bad, unless Sollux used it as blackmail, which was highly possible. However, if he didn't do it, he would never get the damned husktop working again. He'd probably get so frustrated that he'd blast it to hell with his 'science' wand. Eridan growled and gritted his teeth.

TA: hello?

CA: fine fuckass. you win. get ovver here and fix the damn thing.

TA: that2 what ii liike to hear. 2ee you iin a few eriidan.

twinArmageddons has ceased trolling caligulasAquarium

"FUCK!" Eridan shouted, slamming his fist on the desk and making the husktop clatter.

His head found its way to his hands and he sat there for a moment, defeated, before realising that Sollux would be there shortly. Grumbling under his breath, he walked to his room and dug through the pile of dirty and clean clothing in the corner before pulling out one of the arm sleeves.

"Looks like I'm in the right place," he said, sighing, before returning to his dig. In ten minutes, he had found everything except one of the hair ties, which annoyed him to no end.

'I guess the fucker's gotta deal with one ponytail. Maybe I'll do bangs,' he thought to himself.

Soon, he had wriggled into the mini skirt and slid on the arm sleeves, put his hair up into ONE ponytail 'take that, lowblood. What, you thought I had a stutter in my thoughts? RUDE.' Just as Eridan had finished applying the lipstick, he heard the front door open and slam closed.

"Oh honey, I'm home!" Sollux yelled.

"Fuck off, loser!" Eridan shouted back.

"Is that any way to treat your kithmethith? Wait, never mind," he joked and he strolled into the kitchen. Eridan walked in behind him, as quietly as possible and shadowed Sollux as he placed a bag of… food, he guessed, on the counter.

"Boo."

"Jegus christ, Eridan!" Sollux yelped, whirling around to meet the other troll, before noticing his get-up and taking it all in.

"Fuck… it kinda thcareth me that you know how to apply lipthtick, ED…" he said, trying to keep his mind in check.

"Wwhatever. Just fix the husktop."

"Oh, but I brought food, unleth you wished to dine upon wandth," Sollux said as he gestured towards that bag.

"I already ate, but I brought you thomething to hopefully fill out thothe curveth, becauthe frankly, you're lacking," he joked as he slapped Eridan's ass, walking to the husktop.

"Wwell fuck you too," Eridan mumbled, seriously considering that food.

"I'm gonna work on that huthktop now. I highly thuggetht you eat that. It'th from my favourite rethtaraunt." Eridan, in all of his sassy drag-princess pride, eyed the food suspiciously as Sollux left the room before opening it up and finding some food he was unfamiliar with, but with one bite he found that the food quite pleased his palate.

After about 20 minutes, Eridan had finished the food and Sollux called out "Hey ED, I'm done."

"Great, noww leavve." Sollux rose to meet Eridan and gripped his chin very tightly.

"Oh, and after you went through the trouble to dreth up for me? Not likely," he smirked. Eridan growled. He did not want to be fucked again, but he could hardly top when dressed as a girl. Sollux grinned before mouths were shoved together, crushing lips and smearing Eridan's lipstick(never thought you'd hear that line, did you?).

"Where'd you get cherry flavoured lipstick?"

"Internet."

That matter pushed to the side, sloppy makeouts were once again taken part in, but this time it was just going to be in the kitchen, nothing fancy like a pile of wands. Out came Eridan's pony tail. Sollux's hands roamed along the exposed skin Eridan had made sure was there, what with the crop top. They disconnected to pull off Sollux's tee-shirt.

"Tho, thweet-cheekth, you wearin' anything underneath that skirt of yourth?"

"Wwouldn't you like to knoww?"

"Oh, but I wwould," Sollux said, mimicking Eridan's stutter.

"Fuck you", he seethed.

"Gladly." Open mouths reconnected and tongues fought for dominance. Strands of saliva dripped from the sloppy kisses but neither seemed to care. After groping around a bit, Sollux found that the girly outfit came complete with panties.

"Nggh, Sol, cut it out." Sollux ran his tongue down Eridan's jawline and stopped at a collarbone. Eridan made the loveliest of sounds when Sollux sucked on it, and before he knew it, there was a hickey. This gave him the idea to plant them all over Eridan's shoulders and neck. Eridan couldn't help but enjoy this attention. He didn't get it that often, really. He relished every press of the lips and every flick of the tongue he could get, even if it came from a kismesis. Sollux seemed to be enjoying this, too.

"ED, up," he commanded, squeezing the ass underneath the skirt to let Eridan know to jump up to the counter, which he did.

"I need you up higher, you're too short. Now thtrip."

"Wwhat do you think this is? A strip club? No wway." Sollux smiled before reaching up and putting Eridan's wrists together above his head where he couldn't use them. He tugged up the crop top and used it as a makeshift pair of handcuffs and hooked it onto the handles of the cupboard.

"Alright, noww wwhat, Captor?" Eridan practically spat.

"Now I teathe you." And before Eridan could say anything, Sollux placed his mouth over a nipple and his hand on the other one. The last hand went underneath the skirt. Eridan squirmed and made little noises that was driving Sollux crazy.

"Sooll~" Sollux could feel his bulge unsheathing and he decided that was enough. Eridan was unhooked from the cabinet and Sollux's pants were unbuttoned and yanked down far enough that his bulge was free.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you," Sollux growled before clamping down on Eridan's shoulder.

"F-Fuck, Sol, I'm not gonna talk dirty to ya- ah!"

"Tell me." Eridan gulped audibly, trying to keep his moans in check so as to talk dirty to Sollux.

"I wwant you to fuck me into the counter. So I can't wwalk for another wweek," he snarled. Sollux gave in, pulled aside Eridan's panties(Sweet Jegus what am I writing here?!), and shoved in with both bulges, not giving Eridan any warning.

Eridan tossed his head backwards and keened before clamping his hand over his mouth. Jegus fuck, did he just KEEN? Did he just fucking keen?!

It didn't even matter anymore because Sollux had begun to move, guiding Eridan's hips up and down as they reached a steady rhythm. It was a good thing that Sollux was against a wall, because otherwise his knees might buckle from the sensations rocketing through combined with the weight of Eridan, which really wasn't all that much. Anyway. Back to smut.

Eridan knew he was close. He could feel it, but he needed a little push in the right direction. Suddenly, Sollux hit something and he yelled. Yup, that was a push in the right direction. He bit at his lip to stay quieter, breaking the skin in approximately that same place as the last time.

"D-Damn, Sol…"

"Y-Yeah?"

"Pretty soon I'mmunna-aah!" He tried, but Sollux had yanked him down particularly hard and hit that special spot , causing an immediate orgasm on the receiving end. Eridan's back arched and Sollux knew he wouldn't hold on much longer either. They both rode out their orgasms before collapsing on the kitchen floor, breathing heavily, all energy gone.

"Eridan, where'th your bucket?"

"Already been collected."

"Fuck, so how are we getting thith clean?"

"We showwer and then YOU mop it up."

"Me? Why me?"

"You started the whole 'fucking me senseless' thing."

"The fuck wath that good huh?" Sollux said with a cocky tone.

"Shut up."

"Oh, and I notithed."

"Noticed wwhat?"

"You were mithing a ponty tail."

**_The end! Again! I seem to enjoy ending fuck scenes with awkward humor. Does it transition okay? Never mind. You guys had better like this one because I stayed up all night writing it. Like, seriously, I'm writing this at one in the morning. Well, I guess I'm off to my recuperacoon. _**

**_~wiillow_**


End file.
